Is she loosing weight or you’re losing her.
I married my wife- a slim lady, with moderate breasts and buttocks. She had a nice stature; appealing to me always. Before I proceed, I want to say that I loved my wife genuinely. But what came over me was what I couldn’t explain.
Few years after being married, God blessed us with two lovely children. A lot changed, including my wife’s stature. She grew thrice of her former size. I couldn’t bring myself to the reality, so I complained often. I told her to subject herself to a gymn. She did and attended every weekend. Not that it was easy for her but she was doing it out of the love and obedience she had for me because she had to go to work and take care of the kids during weekdays. The only time she had to rest was the weekend, she had to sacrifice that for me- she was indeed generous to a fault. I didn’t realize all “this” then.
At some points, my wife became seriously sick, she was admitted in the hospital and I was on a business trip with my secretary, so, I wasn’t able to see her at the hospital till she got back home. When I returned, I asked her what had happened, for her to had been admitted, she told me it was nothing serious, “I was just told to get maximum rest due to sudden rise in my blood pressure”, she said. That passed by and we continued our lives, but not really as couples- we were more like roommates.
I found myself having extra-marital affair with my secretary. I spent most of my times with her, therefore, I seldom go home constantly and when I did, it’s usually to pick few of my clothes to change.
I must confess, I wasn’t making things easy for my wife, especially when she confronted me about my secretary, I had a way of turning it into fight and making the house a hell on earth.
Niniola, my secretary, introduced me to a lot of things because she was still in town(in her hay-days), ways younger than my wife and I. We did go for shopping and clubbing. I was carried away by my new-found sweet 16, hence, the lust intoxicated me that I was lost in emotions. Even though we lived in the same house, the distance between my wife and I could be described as that between two Countries in separate Continents.
As time went on, I noticed my wife had really come down in her usual weight(which was the irritating factor). I was suprised because I never had the time to take a good look at my wife. But, I was really moved and impressed. Out of excitement, I wanted to ask her when it started happening, alas, my male ego didn’t allow me. So, I usually check her out in pretence- stylishly, in my heart, I was always like “This woman is spicing things up.”
But the most annoying part to me then, was that my wife didn’t even seem to miss me at all(she seem not taking any notice of my admiration too). I began to suspect if she had also stepped out because the way she used to dress and do at home, appeared like someone who didn’t care about me or “us” anymore, that even when I intentionally wanted to put up a fight, she would quickly say, “sorry” and walked away. She made loud laughs on phone while receiving calls and during chats. She looked so happy without me.
At a point, she invited my Mom over to Our place. I was shocked when I came home and saw her. I taught she would have reported me to her, I even wished she did, so Mom would help us settle things, but no, She didnt. Infact the connection between Her and my mom was like the one between Eba and Okro. I began to imagine if the two wished me well. My wife was a very good actress. She always put on the act that we were good together throughout my Mommy’s stay.
I was curious and her silence was driving me crazy. I was the one hurting her, yet, I was the one feeling the pain. I began to ask myself several questions that I couldn’t fix the answer.
So one day, whilst she went out, I searched her room. I was looking for answers, clues- maybe, she was also having an affair. I had already checked her phone but she’d changed her password. I searched and searched but found nothing to use against her. I only found hospital bill receipts. Not even our family hospital but a Federal hospital receipts with my wife’s name boldly written on it. I screamed, “What happened!”. What is all this for?, all this money, for what treatment?, I exclaimed in soliloquy.
When my wife came back, I asked her what those receipts were all about. “You have spent more than three million naira in the hospital, for what?. Are you involved in a charity organization? Because, the last time I checked, we are all doing fine in this family or is there something hidden I don’t know?”. I began to rant. She smiled and said, “I am fine, nothing is wrong with me.” She walked away. “Tiwalade! If you take one more step there without explaining what all the receipts are all about to me, I will unleash the beast in me.” I said, in a bewildered loud voice. “Hahhaha!”, She laughed.
“The beast that you have unleashed since when? Well, it is my money and I can use it for whatever I like and it’s nobody’s business.” She replied and left. I didn’t know what to do. I felt something was wrong somewhere.
So, I called her close friend, Oyindamola and asked to meet her on a Sunday evening.
When We met, i told her my observations. She said she knew nothing about it. I pleaded with her and after minutes of scolding me, she finally opened up.
“I am only going to tell you for God’s sake and because I want the best for my friend. I want my friend to be happy, genuinely.” She said. Tears rolled down from her eyes to the cheeks.
At that moment, my heart skipped.
“This is going to be something serious oh.” I said in my mind as I passed her my handkerchief to wipe her tears.
“Tiwalade has been suffering from breast cancer for almost twenty four months now…”
Breast what!? I cut in.
“Hmmm…She hasn’t been finding things easy at all, you even made things difficult for her but she’s a strong woman. I am sure those receipts you saw are the hospital bills for treatment, drugs, x-ray, radiography, chemotherapy, etc. Don’t you notice she has really changed?… She looked at me like she was expecting an answer.
“Changed?” I asked, looking clueless.
“I mean the drastic change in her body size…”
Oh my goodness, I thought it was a result of her exercises…
“You really do not know your wife. Anyways, go home and set things right with her before its too late.” She said before dashing off.
I was dumbfounded and remained utterly appalled. Where do I start from? I rushed into my car and drove home. I met my wife in the living room, the kids had gone to her parents place to spend their mid-term break. That gave us room to talk. As I got into the living room, I ran towards her. “Something of this is happening to you and you didn’t let me know. Why?” I asked.
“What is happening to me?…” Oyindamola relayed everything. You do not have to pretend. I cut in. Tears rolled out of her eyes as she left me and walked to the kitchen to check what she was cooking. I followed her and knelt down. I was sweating profusely.
“I am sorry.” I pleaded.
“Sorry for what?” She asked, as she used the inner tip of her top to wipe her tears.
“I am sorry, for everything.” I replied, as i held her hands and stood up. She removed her hand from My arms with hostile force.
“Oh! You are sorry; that i loved you and you threw my love into the bin?
That I gave you my heart and you smashed it on the floor? That I trusted you and you betrayed the trust I had in you? That when I needed you most, you were nowhere to be found? That I chose you, but you chose someone else? I cannot imagine yearning for my husband’s love like a litte girl yearning for candy! I made a great mistake the day I decided to be with you…”. She went on like that. All those words sunk into my brain and weakened my whole body. I was speechless. “Take a good look at yourself in the mirror. Is this the way you look when we got married?haven’t you changed and aged also? You think I do not prefer six packs to your potbelly? But I accepted you the way you are. I looked beyond all your weakness and focused on your strength. You know why? So we can have a peaceful and happy family. But you couldn’t accept me through the test of time and potency of nature. Could you? Why don’t you marry your mistress and let’s see your concubine after years in marriage, to see how she would look.” I couldn’t respond to all she was saying because I was unabatedly guilty. All these times I thought she had loss of weight, due to her exercise. I didn’t know it was due to her health condition. I pleaded for days. Before we made up and she opened up how it all started to me. That was when I became aware that it all started when she was admitted in the hospital It wasn’t due to her blood pressure. It was obviously owing to the fact that she noticed lump in her breast and went to remove it. But when the lump was taken to the lab, to know the etiology, they found out it was cancerous. That was where it all started.
The first step I took was to sack my secretary the next day in the office. I employed a male staff. Then, I retraced my steps back to God. My family became my number one concern and priority-my wife, in especial. We started going for her treatment together, I became involved in her daily activities. My only happiness was that we made up and shared lovely memories together before she finally died; due to the cancer. Those memories would forever linger on in my heart.
My name is Adetoye Adegbola and that is my story.
Breast cancer is real.
Written by Odekunle Adedoyin Zouerat
About Breast Cancer.
Cancer: Is an abnormal growth of cells which tend to proliferate in an uncontrolled way and, in some cases, to metastasize (spread). Cancer can involve any tissue of the body and have many different forms in each body area. Most cancers are named for the type of cell or organ in which they start. Example is Breast Cancer.
What is Breast Cancer? Breast cancer is cancer that forms in the cells of the breasts. Breast cancer is the most common invasive cancer and the second main cause of cancer death in women. Breast cancer can occur in both men and women, but it is far more common in women.
The first symptoms of breast cancer are usually an area of thickened tissue in the breast, or a lump in the breast or in an armpit.
Other symptoms are:
– A pain in the armpits or breast that does not change the monthly cycle
– Pitting or redness of the skin of the breast, like an orange.
– A rash around or on one of the nipples.
– A discharge from a nipple, possibly containing blood.
– A sunken or inverted nipple.
– A change in the size or shape of the breast.
– Peeling, flaking, or scaling of the skin on the breast of nipple.
*Most lumps are not cancerous, but women should have them checked by a health care professional.
The exact cause remains unclear, but some risk factors make it more likely. Some of these are preventable.
-A history of breast cancer or breast lumps.
-Dense breast tissue.
Treatment will depend on:
– The type of breast cancer.
– The stage of the cancer.
– Sensitivity to hormones.
– The patient’s age, overall health, and preferences.
The main options include:
– Radiation therapy.
– Biological therapy, or targeted drug therapy.
– Hormone therapy.
There is no sure way to prevent breast cancer, but some lifestyle decisions can significantly reduce the risk of breast and other types of cancer. These include:
– Avoiding excess alcohol consumption.
– Following a healthy diet with plenty of fresh fruit and vegetables.
– Getting enough exercise.
– Maintaining a healthy body mass index (BMI )
NB: Women should think carefully about their options for breast feeding and the use of HRT following menopause, as these can affect the risk.
***Being exposed to estrogen for a longer period appears to increase the risk of breast cancer. This could be due to starting periods earlier or entering menopause later than average. Between these times, estrogen levels are higher.
***Breast-feeding, especially for over 1 year, appears to reduce the chance of developing breast cancer, possibly because pregnancy followed by breastfeeding reduces exposure to estrogen.
©Odekunle, Adedoyin Zouerat.
Wednesday, 31st October, 2018.
Breast Cancer Awareness.